You're BALD!!

It's been a while, I know.  There has been some drama, relationships that failed, hopes crumbled, dreams dashed.  I have contemplated writing a book to teach men to lie better, cheat more effectively.  Not because I believe it is good to lie and cheat, but because I am disgusted with their limited capabilities in these areas.  The teacher in me wants to help them be better at it, especially when there is so much room for improvement.


Enter Litchell .  A man you have read about before, with a certain charm but not exactly Abraham Lincoln if you know what I mean.  In his mind, it seems that he finds his indiscretions and falsehoods to be quaint, cute little anomalies that women should overlook for the chance to get closer to him and his magic wand.  That he can look you in the eyes with straight and serious face, while demanding fidelity while rolling fresh from the scented sheet of some hoochie is hilarious and a bit sad.


Fortunately, I demand no such thing from the men I contemplate dating.  Observing the way they hide, deflect and excuse their poor behaviors is great insight into their character and lack thereof.  While dating Litchell it was always fun to watch him espouse the importance of commitment and its value in a "real" relationship, while getting caught in one lie after another.


So many times i dreamed about turning on him as he railed about the unfairness of how poorly he had been treated by a previous paramour and what a great catch he was by screaming, "Negro paaaleaze! I KNOW you are seeing other women.  Stop bullshitting me.  Do you know how I know?  Because your shampoo and conditioner is being used and YOU'RE BALD!"


What had become my own sad little inside joke was listening to him blather on about what an honest, true and good man he was and how he had suffered and learned so much from his previous relationships and would NEVER lie to another woman, all the while the shampoo and conditioner he kept in his shower evaporated like fuel in a Hummer driving at rush-hour in downtown D.C.


The only thing keeping me silent was the fact that other women might stand a chance of seeing him for what he is too as long as the shampoo kept going and going.  It was okay for me to take one for the team, so others might be saved.  If it was good enough for Jesus....