Bend With The Wind

One of the most significant gifts from the universe in 2009 and 2010 was the general awareness, appreciation for and adoption of a new philosophy.  People often talk about their loss of faith, or inability to follow a specific religion or faith.  I myself struggle with organized religion.  But that is only because it is easy to focus too heavily on a religions' inception, rather than it's role in today's world.  We all can benefit from a code of ethics or beliefs, a systematic framework that helps guide our moral compass. 

This is merely our spiritual culture, what we do when we don't know exactly what to do, what we teach our kids, and the basis upon which we judge our peers, friends and family members.  The belief that through discipline, awareness, focus and attentiveness, I have the power to change the role I play in this life.  It seems vain and delusional to believe I can or will change the world.  First, the world is already changing, with or without my participation.

My obligation is to be the change I want to see in the world, by living according to specific principles.  The past couple of years as life and "others" kicked my ass, to survive, I learned not only to understand, but embrace the desire to "bend with the wind".  This approach is  basically, a hybrid of Christianity, Taoism and tai-chi philosophies, which simply means don't fight against life, trust in the universe's purpose for each of us and go with the momentum of your life. That does not mean, abdicate your responsibility and account abilities - it means, stop being petty and focusing on the things that you cannot change, or you did not receive, or have not yet accomplished.  Enjoy something important about each day, remember the many blessings we each have been given, and when you have done everything within your power to help yourself, pray for guidance and strength to endure what is ahead.

I was constantly reminding myself of a quote I had heard, "If you're going to pray don't worry, if you're going to worry, don't bother praying" Thank you mama-Liz.  It helps me remember that I see the frame of my life and believe it is about choices, focus, resolve and resilience.  But inside that frame, it was important for me to have a position not so much about what I need to do, but the way I wanted to get those things done.  In the words of Barbara Walters, "What type of tree will I be?".

Enter Taoism - the Three Jewels of the Tao: compassion, moderation, and humility,  For those of you interested in a more detailed understanding, start here, then progress onto The Tao of Poo, a very readable book that will guarantee you do not take yourself too seriously.  If you are interested in developing an "intelligent" spirituality, pick up "The seven steps to think like Da Vinci every day" http://www.amazon.com/How-Think-Like-Leonardo-Vinci/dp/0440508274.

Tai-Chi Philosophy, or Taoism (also spelled Daoism; see below) refers to a variety of related philosophical and religious traditions that have influenced Eastern Asia for more than two millennia. They also notably influenced the Western world, particularly since the 19th century. The word 道, Tao (or Dao, depending on the romanization scheme), roughly translates as "path" or "way". It carries more abstract, spiritual meanings in folk religion and Chinese philosophy.

Taoist propriety and ethics emphasize the Three Jewels of the Tao: compassion, moderation, and humility, while Taoist thought generally focuses on nature, the relationship between humanity and the cosmos (天人相应); health and longevity; and Wu Wei (action through inaction). Harmony with the Universe, or the source thereof (Tao), is the intended result of many Taoist rules and practices.

The roots for my christian influences are basically, the seven deadly sins and corresponding heavenly virtues.

The Seven Deadly Sins, also known as the Capital Vices or Cardinal Sins, is a classification of objectionable vices that has been used since early Christian times to educate and instruct followers concerning fallen humanity's tendency to sin. The currently recognized version of the list is usually given as anger, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony.


In Catholic catechism, the seven virtues refer to one of two lists of virtues, most commonly referring to the 4 cardinal virtues of prudence, justice, restraint or temperance, and courage or fortitude, and the 3 theological virtues of faith, hope, and love or charity; these were adopted by the Church Fathers.

An alternative list, the seven heavenly virtues, is opposed to the seven deadly sins, and consists of chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness, and humility.

APPRECIATION AND SHOUT-OUTS

So I receive quite a few emails from women who want to know how I keep my humor, what helps me stay so upbeat.  First, I believe while you cannot always control WHAT happens to you, you can always control HOW you react, your attitude.  I get sad and depressed like anyone, but I try not to let it consume me.  First, I am too busy to be depressed for long, but I did suffer some very scary symptoms last year.  And when it seemed like the anxiety was simply too great, and I actually had a couple of panic attacks, I figured out a couple tricks to help me get by. The biggest secret to being able to stop worrying about your own situation, is to go out and help others. Volunteering at domestic violence shelters, watching my friends kids, so they could get a couple of hours of peace and quiet during the weeks I did not have my children, and donating boxes and boxes of clothes, dishes, furniture to charity as I prepared to downsize for whatever future living arrangement was coming my way. These were all beautiful distractions that never failed to humble me and remind me that there but for the grace of God... Oh yeah, and don't mistake God's grace, a lot of us want to believe "the answer" is more than it really is, make things more complicated, or more mysterious.  Sometimes the grace in our lives, the thing that enables us to survive when others falter, is our humor, our ability not to tolerate bullsh@#, or just maybe, it's that kick-ass support system we take for granted.  And just in case some of you are still being obtuse, that support system, could be your sister(s) who get on your nerves but never let you kid yourself into believing bs, or your mother who wants you to live up to your potential, or that annoying lady at work who wants you to fill out your college applications and get your life moving FORWARD. you know who you are...

So let me give props to my mom, the most important woman in the universe to me, she is my sun, my sky and my moon. My daughters who remain the beautiful stars that light up my world. My friends, who indulge me and my drive-by cell phone conversations (since the only quality quiet time I have is in my car) Claudette - my touchstone, CK, Kristen, Tahir, Curtis, Stacey, JW, Uncle Dwight, Joe - you all know who you are - thank you for helping me talk through the craziness that almost swallowed me whole this year, and keep me laughing through the tears. My friends at work, "old school crew" Misha, Gerald, Brandie, Linda, Beth,George, Stephen, Mr. P, Karen, "the newbies" LL, Shannon, Mike, Joann Taty, Ronnie aka chocolate thunder and now, thanks to Shannon, Wanda, lol. Most especially to Loren, who always knows how to read me no matter how bright of a smile I paste on my face, whose gentle heart is battered and bruised, yet always big enough to help and love her friends.  To those of you at the house of Ruth, who kept me smiling and sometimes laughing, who help me stand strong, when I did not think I could fight for myself. People who have shared so much when we had so little and teach that generosity of spirit is the key to a long, interesting, life.