Dear Diary, Soulmates?

Today, started like most others.  Woke up at about 5am walked Milo for about 15 minutes, then back home to get things ready for the week.  I have been off my game lately when it comes to being intuitive about romance and the way love spills on people.  Seems like, suddenly, I am meant to be that person that feels attraction, but does not have my finger on the exact place it is pointed, and sadly it has not been pointed at me.

My impulsive nature has not served me well either, and so I am left to ponder what is meant for me.  What is my purpose? who was I made for?  This is possibly the closest I may come to acknowledging my secret belief (hope) that there are soulmates for each of us.  Not many, or more than one, but one true soulmate that we were each designed for, to love, cherish, protect and honor.  That person you bare your soul to not because you want to, or feel obligated to , but because you must.  There is no alternative because failure to maintain that level of intimacy with that one person, would be like sleeping in a rubber suit.  Holding anything back would feel like you were suffocating and therefore you can totally reveal yourself to him or her.

While I have felt intense attraction, affection, love and sometimes even passion for a person, there has never been a living being that intuitively commands me to share my soul with him.  Sometimes, like today, it is exquisitely painful to feel so separate from him.  A regular day, no special events, just a Sunday, that is so obviously devoid of his presence and the joy and peacefulness I know would be in my heart, were he here by my side.  

I often wonder if knowing who he was but not having him would be better than never knowing him at all.  It is a difficult concept to wrap my mind around, because loving a person who may not exist seems delusional and indulgent.  Yet I persist in the notion that he is out there and not just in here, inside of my small, lonely heart.