Turns Out, Size Does Matter

Liars lie. Cheaters cheat.  Thieves steal, and so on.  Being a person who lies, cheats, is selfish or demonstrates other poor behaviors doesn't have to mean you are doomed to always be a "bad" person.  The same way, staying with a man or woman that tells lies, cheats, or lacks compassion or generosity of spirit, doesn't mean you destined to always repeat the same mistakes and will never be with a person of quality. But the road to change is long, fraught with difficult decisions.  Actually the decisions are not that difficult.  They are just a pain because people get used to doing things one way and don't like to change.  Even when the thing you are doing is not good for you, it can feel better to go with it, than stop, assess, and make a conscious decision to do something else.

When you continuously lie and cheat on those you care about, or you make excuses for a person that lies, cheats, and exhibits other poor character traits, you are condoning those behaviors, directly or by association and implying you don't deserve to be a person of quality, or be with a person of quality.  Quality is not about material things such as, the car you drive, the clothes and jewelry you wear, and  physical attractiveness is not at issue here.  This is purely about what motivates a person to do one thing over another, either as a daily practice or under pressure.  Some people refer to this as a person's culture.

My paternal grandmother called the execution of these traits a person's "go-to".  Whether they were just doing something they would do any day of the week, or facing a crisis, what they do without much thinking, is who they are.  The behaviors a person executes when facing a crisis is what I call "looking into the abyss", and my father reinforced this message at every opportunity during my childhood.  The basic premise is this, when you are faced with difficult times, or challenging situations what is your "go to"?  Go-to is simply your cultural norm, what you do as an intuitive practice, without giving much conscious thought.  For example, when you leave your bathroom, is the lid up or down?  Do you make your bed every day, or only when you are expecting company?  Do you lie to your family and friends with abandon?  Do you have clothes in your closet that belong to others without their knowledge?  Do you have supplies in your home that belong at your job?  Have you ever had an inappropriate interraction between your friends, girlfriend or boyfriend? 

Go-to behaviors are essentially habits you form and norm during your lifetime.  These habits become behaviors that define who you are to the outside world (the world outside of your own head).  How your friends, family, lovers, colleagues and strangers perceive you and define you as a person.  You can live your life in the misguided bubble of "I don't care how others perceive me! or you can take ownership of your credibility and obtain greater awareness of how you are perceived, and work on leveraging the desireable behaviors and transforming the challenging ones.   What you think you say, what you say you do and what you do you become. 

Your "go to" behavior in a crisis is a significant indicator in determining who you are, as a man or a woman.  Some people believe that when faced with a crisis, they should get a free pass.  The coward, who says, "I only beat my wife because I lost my job and could not cope"  or the tramp, who excuses her bad behavior, "I know he was my best friends' husband, but my husband left me and I was lonely and could not cope".  These excuses don't validate poor behaviors or choices, rather they exemplify how the people you thought you knew so well, were never who you thought they were in the first place. 

Lies matter, small, big and anything in between.  They are a symptom of a person with a faulty moral compass.  When considering building a life with someone remember their compass is what determines the direction their life will take.  If you anchor yourself to them, that compass is guiding you too.  Find a person of true quality.  A person who understands the difference between right and wrong and constantly seeks to improve their life and the lives of those around them.  Avoid spending time with people who can excuse their own bad behaviors and fail to accept responsibility for their consequences.  In no time they will be making excuses for the decisions they make affecting you and yours.